~Creative Ideas, UGH Thoughts, and A Little School~

well..it's about time I posted again! Life has been a bit crazy over the past few weeks. I started back to school.. ugh.. one more elective and then my Capstone and I will finally be finished with my MBA! Whoo Hoo! There will be a huge celebration to follow that accomplishment.

After Tatelyn's party.. it seems like the weeks have flown by. Chris was out of town this week.. he went to Ft. Worth to put in a conveyor for MHT.. the company that has been chomping at the bit to get him to come work for them..

I am starting to think that I want to embark on starting an etsy site or some sort of online store. I made Tatelyn's wreath for her hospital door when she was born.. I loved it.. so I decided to make some of the decorations for her 1st party too. I received a sweet compliment from my Father-in-Love, Chuck and it sparked my interest. I have a some friends, The Akins, whose family is expanding as they add a third edition to the klan in October. It was only fitting that I offer to make Jennifer a wreath for Josie's hospital room. I love how this one has turned out.. I think I may be on to something here! I haven't made a boy one yet but I have the cutest idea for one! We'll see where this goes.. pics to follow!

I have really enjoyed this blogging thing so far. I have not been great at it but it is much easier for me than writing in a journal. This week blogging was most important to me. I have a friend who was given some not so great news.. she used their blog as a way to express her anger and frustration with the news.. it is a great outlet! Love you LY!! I have found on this infertility journal that you make different types of friendships.. bonding over infertility is different than meeting at a party and having a few things in common and developing a friendship. Bonding over infertility means that there is a level of understanding between you that "normal" friends will never understand. My heart was broken the day my friend found our their procedure didn't work. I could literally feel her heart break. I liken the relationship to that of twins. I can feel their pain, I can somehow find the right things to say to comfort her.. she always has the right things to say to comfort me too! I thank God everyday for bringing such unique friends into my life.

I went to the obgyn this week.. if I didn't adore the man as a friend I would hate going to this doctor. It seems like every time I go to this type of doctor, I get bad news. Well.. this week was nothing but the norm. I found out that my endometriosis has come back in full force. My hormones are all out of wack!! There is no way to make the pain subside other than take a low dose of the birth control pill or have the lap surgery again. That wasn't fun.. it was awesome after because the pain was gone from the endo but the first 48 hours was not a walk in the park... yet again just another reason that being infertile SUCKS!! I have been talking with my friend about acupuncture. I think I am going to give this a whirl! Who knows.. I have tried just about every other trick in the book.. why not add another.

Well.. at this point IVF is our only solution to the problem. This opens a whole new can of worms in my frustration that I am not willing to ruin my Saturday for! Let's just say..I love FedEx but don't always understand them.. they will help people adopt a child but won't help them have one naturally... seriously???? I am in the process of writing a letter to our VP of HR to try and make some changes.. something has to give! I am not asking for the moon but a few stars would be nice :)

that's enough for now! I am officially off my soap box!
Love,
Carrie

Minnie Mouse, Family and Great Friends

Well.. let me start by saying.. I am such a horrible blogger!! I am going to try to update more than once a week..
This past week was such a blast! Friday night all of the Dawkins klan gathered at Carey and Lindsey's house to prepare for lil miss Tatelyn's 1st birthday party!! I don't know who was more excited.. us or her!! I can't believe it has been a year. It is true when people say that time flies by! I think my amazement at it being one year is partly due to what a hectic year we had last year.. in and out of doctors offices, surgeries here and there.. fertility on top of it all! We really had a whirlwind year!
Friday night was spent hanging out, baking cupcakes, icing cupcakes, dipping pretzels and covering them with sprinkles (bonus: we got to eat the messed up ones...SCORE!!) We set everything up on the table that night so that all we had to do Saturday was pour in the candy and make the sandwiches.. we had a great time!
Saturday brought the best 1st Birthday Party!! Tatelyn loves Mickey and Minnie.. well.. that is what she got! Lindsey had some of the cutest ideas for decor and party favors.. mickey/minnie chocolate suckers and awesome party hats.. Uncle Chris and Aunt Carrie got Sweet T her first "holly box"! this is what we call jewelry from Platinum because my girlfriend Holly works there! She got a silver bangle.. it was too precious.. she didn't too much like it on her wrist but she will later! Every girl loves jewelry..
The party was awesome.. there were a ton of people there! I know the party was for Tatelyn but I am almost positive we enjoyed it just as much if not more than she did!
Saturday night we went to a Dana and Carpers house to hang out with some friends who came in town from Baton Rouge. They are the sweetest people.. Blake and Dominique just had a sweet lil one Austin.. I literally held him until my arm went numb.. hello baby fever. ugh stupid body!!
Sunday.. well.. let's just say.. Saturday led to a not so fun Funday Sunday this week! yikes.. I am really 30! My body does not bounce back like it used to.. oooooo.. I forgot.. We ended the night Saturday at Flying Saucer. My mom's best friends Jim and Dee were in town from Martin.. She is the sweetest lady ever! She was in the delivery room with my mom when I was born! Love them! That is where I over did it!! No more wine.. Well.. at least for that day! :)
This week has been pretty uneventful! For some reason.. I have the baby fever itch again! I sooo want to do IVF but have no clue where the funds are going to come from..neither one of us have fertility insurance.. go figure! I have attempted to fill out the grant paperwork.. really.. they literally want your life history and the paperwork to prove it! it costs just as much to gather the information as you would need to do the procedure (not really) I don't know what to do at this point.. infertility is the most frustrating thing I have ever dealt with in my 30 years of life! NO ONE should have to experience this! I think part of my wanting to do IVF was plagued by playing with Austin this weekend and the other part is that I have been blessed to meet my friend Lauren. I am almost positive we are clones of each other.. She and her husband are one week away from finding out if their IVF was successful!! Please keep them in your prayers.. I have loved keeping up with her daily.. I believe God put her in my life so that I could have a female companion throughout all of this trial and tribulation that is fertility! I don't know what I would have done without her support and empathy!
Oh my!! I literally almost forgot a huge part of the week! August 16th marked my mom's one year anniversary of when she went into the hospital.. holy moly! That was quite possibly the scariest day of my life! We lost her several times throughout the day.. literally.. hello flat line! it makes me sick thinking about it! I am truly amazed at our God.. He brought her back to us and has made her healthier than ever! Thank you God!!! Prayer works people!

Well.. I am pretty sure that catches everyone up! Thank you for letting me ramble! Blogging is really therapeutic!

Carrie

PINT 5K, Scarlet's Birthday, and the Infamous Post Race Party!!

Daniel and I in our Classic Pose.. This one is for you Mom!

Stomping to Simple Man

We are Family!!

And the Tears Start Flowing..  :(

The Ladies of the PINT 5K

????

Classic! 

5th Annual PINT 5K

well.. this weekend was an mixture of emotions..
we started off the festivities Thursday night at Brookhaven! Reese, Blair, and Jay played on the patio as we danced the night away and caught up with old friends! We always have a great time at our pre-race party.. this year though, we all had heavy hearts.. this year marked the 5th anniversary of Scarlet's passing. We all remember exactly where we were at 7:45 that horrible morning.. we were all saying our final goodbye's.. i tear up thinking about it every time. I walked in the room after she had passed.. held her hand and told her that i was glad her toe nails and fingernails were painted because everyone who knew Car Car knew that she went no where without them done.. I'm Really Not a Waitress was her favorite OPI color! After trying to joke, I just couldn't do it! I bent down and kissed her bald head and told her how proud I was of her and how much I knew I would miss her! That was quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life!
Back to the story... Thursday night was beautiful.. towards the end of the night, Reese, Scarlet's brother played her favorite song.. Simple Man! As we always do, we gathered on the dance floor and giggled at what a horrible dancer Scarlet was and that all she would ever do is stomp her feet to the music.. she even broke the heel off her boot stomping once.. long story!! After we dance a bit, reality sits in and we cry! We hug tight and cry together! These are the moments we cherish every year! These are the moments that make us want to carry on and help educate people about this horrible disease that is melanoma!
Friday came.. quicker than any of us really wanted :) Friday would have been Scarlet's 33rd birthday! yep.. you didn't read it wrong.. she died the day before her birthday! Just when you think it couldn't get worse.. We had to bury her on her birthday! Ugh.. We all gathered in the parking lot of the Marsh Building and took to our duties in order to make sure our race went off without a hitch.. As the runners came in and started registering.. we sit in amazement and watch the bib numbers get higher and higher.. it starts to make my throat get lumpy.. We corralled the runners to the start line as the committee gathers to watch them start.. it gets me every time.. we had 500 runners this year!!! whoo hoo! that is our goal!!
Once the runners start to cross the finish line, we sit there and cheer for each and every one because we are so proud they are running/walking to help us raise awareness! We headed up to the awards table once the participants were in and enjoying the beverages and food.. this year we had red balloons that the committee and family members signed and released to Heaven! I know Scarlet probably laughed at some of the messages! Goodness I miss her!!!
After the race.. most of us part ways and go somewhere to relax and release! like I said.. this day is extremely emotional for all of us.
Then comes Saturday! Boy to we use this day to release! Yikes... we all huddle at Steve and Vicki's house (Scarlet's dad and step mom) They have a pool and a wonderful house what will allow all of us to gather in the same place and hang out. I won't tell too many stories from this day because most of us get silly and make fools of ourselves! But you wanna know what.. there is not one of us that would want to be with anyone else on this day! We have a strange relationship that only we could understand!
Saturday was also my mom's birthday!! Yeah.. talk about a jammed packed emotional weekend for me! For those of you who read and know.. my mom almost died a year ago! Yikes.. to lose my mom and my best friend in a matter of days would be a horribly tragic. I don't know that I could have taken it.. God knew that and spared her! Her heart day is officially August 16th! That will mark her one year anniversary from her heart episode!
Well.. I think that about catches you up! This weeks blogs will be good.. stay tuned.. Tomorrow is my niece's 1st birthday!! man how a year has flown by!! We are having her Minnie Mouse themed party this weekend! I can't wait to see her face! eekkk.. soo exciting.. until then.. do something nice for yourself!!
ooo.. pics from this weekend to follow!!! :)
Carrie

Pictures from Kimmie B turns 33!!!

Happy 33 to Kimmie B!!!

Well.. The Dawkins had a great weekend! We hung out with family Friday night at Carey and Lindsey's.. I just love how close we all are! We then moved onto Saturday!! The big party for Kimmie B! Kim and I went shopping pretty much all day Saturday. We had the ultimate girly day.. we went shopping at a boutique in Germantown.. girls, it is a must! Mozelle Boutique in Germantown is sooo cute. It is owned by a sweet mother daughter team.. which you know I love! They have the most beautiful dresses and shoes too.. After shopping and finding the perfect dresses for the night.. we needed shoes of course! FYI.. Kim is the best person to take shoe shopping.. she finds the best deals! I got a super cute pair to go with my new dress.. after a quick re-fueling at McAlisters.. we headed to get our mani and pedi on at Tip and Toe Nails.. after that, I was pooped and needed a nap because I knew fun Kim was coming out that night and I must have rest to keep up with her! After my whopping 40 minute nap it was time to get all dressed up and ready to go to the party! We had everyone meet at our house and then we headed out for stop #1 of the night, the Blue Monkey.. After a crew gathered there, we were off to our final destination.. Raiford's!! We had an absolute blast singing and dancing the night away.. it was so nice to see everybody and hang out in such a fun atmosphere. I quickly realized that my body is no longer cut out for the 3am party scene! yikes was I worn out the next day.. none the less, what do the Dawkins do on Sunday???? Funday Sunday!! although we got started late, it was still a great time hanging with the fabulous family! Coming up this weekend is the race and then it will be little Tatelyn's first birthday.. geez time is flying by! Well.. that is all for now.. stay tuned for the next post!

5 Years has flown by!

Well, it is hard to believe that 5 years ago I was close to losing one of my best friends. Scarlet Lawrence Akins graduated to Heaven one day before her 28th birthday... every time I type this or even think about it, tears puddle in my eyes! I can't believe I type it sometimes..  She would have been 33 this coming Friday, August 5th. Scarlet was diagnosed with melanoma in April of 2006. She died 4 short months later. I thank God daily for placing such a sweet soul in my life. I owe it to her ( well and the Man upstairs) that I was able to meet the love of my life Chris Dawkins! I met him at Brookhaven Pub the night of Jody and Scarlet's wedding! Well.. I can't leave out Lauren H... she actually physically introduced me to Chris! What a sweet friend.. Now, back to the point of this story.. I get off on tangents ( it's genetic.. thanks mom)

Scarlet was one of those friends that everyone needs.. she would make you laugh when you were sad, be mad with you no matter what you were mad at! She would either lend a shoulder for you to cry on or hell.. she would break down and cry with you for no reason! She and I have a strong bond.. no one cries alone! She would make fun of herself and fun of you too, especially if you were doing something worthy of being made fun of! She was never afraid to be herself and for that, I am eternally grateful that God placed such a sweet friend in my life! I will never forget her and I will continue to strive and raise awareness for this awful disease that took her from this earth! She deserves it!!! If you take nothing from this than a sweet and sad story.. get your butt to the dermatologist!!!! I am not joking!! Everyone needs to go to the dermatologist once a year.. Melanoma Sucks and is an awful, painful, unforgiving, just plain horrific disease that shows no mercy! The other crazy thing about this junk is that it is preventable! Do your part!! Don't be a statistic.. there is virtually no survival rate from Stage 4 Melanoma!

There is also another way to band together and fight!! This year is our 5th annual PINT 5K.. Where did we get PINT.. well.. when Scarlet was sick.. she said well since I have melanoma.. I guess Pale is the New Tan!! She was so witty!! After her passing, we quickly came together to fight.. for her honor! The PINT 5K is just that, a 5K race.. it is held every year at the Ridgelake Loop close to Poplar and 240! Feel free to check out the website and register.. you don't have to run or walk.. just register and come hang out with us! http://www.pint5k.com/

We will be providing free skin screenings.. for the cost of registration $20, you get a t-shirt, awesome goodie bag, and a skin screening! The registration cost is cheaper than your co-pay! Now you have no excuse but to register! Do it peeps!!

Until Next Time....

~Fasten Your Seatbelts~

Well, I have talked about it long enough! The time has come for me to start a blog. I have enjoyed following my friends blogs for quite some time so I thought it would only be appropriate for me to join in the movement! So, as the title says, Fasten Your Seatbelts kids.. I have a ton of catching up to do..

Chris and I met in January of 2006. We were engaged on March 26th, 2007 and were married on February 16th, 2008 at Germantown Baptist Church. Almost immediately after we got married, we decided we wanted to start a family! Easier said than done.. well.. that is what we found out anyway! I always had a hunch that I would have a hard time getting preggers( call it premonition) I had a cervical cancer scare the year that we were getting married.. this threw a wrench in some plans. I was a patient at West Clinic for almost a year. Their conclusion, there was no conclusion.. God worked his miracle and every trace of what the doctors thought could be cancer disappeared! That was my hunch.. then the obvious.. I don't have the best cycles in the world! TMI, I know but it is true! I have a great relationship with by gyno, Dr. Greenwell! It seems like I have seen him more in the last few years than I have my general practitioner. He did test after test after test.. Chris and I were on a strict schedule and had enough ovulation tests and pregnancy tests to build a dollhouse. Needless to say, they didn't do the trick. After a year of testing and trying, the time came that Dr Greenwell threw in the towel and said we should make the decision to see a specialist!

Chris and I talked about it, it is a BIG decision! Neither of our health insurance plans offer fertility assistance( that strikes a whole new cord with me) We went to meet with Dr. Ke and fell in love with him. He has an amazing bed side manner! He started me on some new medication and told me to relax! Really... That word is not in my vocabulary!!! I tried my best but we weren't getting anywhere.. well.. i take that back! We did make some progress.. we found out that it was definitely me, not Chris that was causing the problem! Deep down, I was jealous that he was sort of off the hook.. it was a little pitty party too! Like I said, I always had a hunch! We moved through the process, we had blood work drawn, tests run, ultrasound after ultrasound and then the big bomb dropped.. we would need to have artificial assistance because nothing was working.. We were gung-ho at this point in the game! We didn't even blink before we scheduled our first IUI.. I can't spell it, if you are curious.. google it! I was pumped.. I thought.. FINALLY!! something that will work! Not so much :( After the first 2 failed, I knew something had to give. Not only did I have a complete melt down at my sister and brother-in-law's but I knew my husband and family couldn't take anymore of my crazyness! We decided to do some exploratory surgery to see what was going on in there! Boy am I glad we did.. Dr. Ke determined that I had Stage 3 Endometriosis! No wonder nothing was working, no wonder I was in pain, no wonder I was a crazy hormonal woman!! Well maybe the last part is a bit of a stretch in blaming it on the endo! Dr Ke said it would do the trick.. so he thought.. I would need to recover and then we would do another IUI.. He was sooo hopeful! Well, after recovery was over and the IUI was performed.. we again were faced with another negative pregnancy test! Seriously.. I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown! From that point on, I was anti-baby!!

After the pregnancy fiasco.. My family was put through the ringer! My mom was sick( like sinus infection sick) This was in August of 2010.. she seemed to stay sick during that time.. she was weak, tired, cranky, emotional, for those of you who know my mother, it was bizarre to see her this way! we forced her to go to the emergency room one afternoon when she could literally barely walk into their office. Dad took her to the ER and that afternoon has changed our lives forever. She deteriorated rapidly, the dr's were frantic trying to find out why she was so sick. Her heart rate was through the roof but it was barely functioning. Bizarre and puzzling! Dr. Debsidkar pulled dad and I out into the hallway and gave us the what for! Mom was in congestive heart failure! WHAT?? She was young, healthy, vibrant, this could not be happening.. well, I went home to pack a bag because I was going to camp out with her in the ICU. Not as soon as I got home, dad called and told me that she had stopped breathing! Not once but twice she received CPR in the ER at Baptist Collierville! They got her stable, thank God and life flighted her to Baptist Memphis CV-ICU.. she was on full blown life support! I thought my life was over.. I could not bury my best friend! No Way and No How was I going to let that happen! Our friends and family rallied and prayed for her life! God wasn't finished with her yet! She was on life support for 4 days and in the hospital for 13 total! She is now a walking miracle! You would never know by looking at her that she literally died and came back! I am a firm believer that God placed Dr. D and our nurse Wanda in our lives to save mom's! Amazing!!!

Well August didn't totally stink! We were blessed beyond believe on August 11, 2010.. our niece Tatelyn Campbell Collins was welcomed into the world! What a true blessing and breath of life that I needed so desperately! She has been an absolute joy to be around! I love her and my in-love's like they have been in my family for 30 years! I cannot say blessed enough! I am absolutely the luckiest girl in the world!

Moving forward.. At this point in life.. I am a bit confused and just numb! My dad was offered a position in Colorado.. seriously.. that is like 13 states away.. how could they possibly leave me?? I am being sooo selfish but happy at the same time! They have always wanted to live there.. I didn't know it would be so soon but all good things must come to an end. My brother in love Carey is putting the house on the market this week! I pray that it sells quickly because I hate seeing my mom miss my dad everyday! It kills me. This too shall pass! My sad heart will be happy again! I am just a daddy's girl and I still can't imagine not being able to pull up in our driveway at any moment and find them chilling in the back yard admiring their hard work! This time next year, we will just have to hop on a plane and fly for a bit to see them enjoying their yard the same way as they do here! Thank God I work at FedEx( we can fly cheap)

That brings me to today! Chris and I have just started to discuss fertility again. I am printing off grant applications to see if we will be able to get some financial assistance. It costs a fortune to have IVF.. more than $10K to be exact... really there is nothing exact or guaranteed with fertility.. it is a cat and mouse game that seems to haunt me daily!

I plan to use this blog to journal our life... like I said, there will be good, bad, ugly, and awesome.. because.. that is life! I hope you decide to tune in every once in a while! I can guarantee you, it won't be boring!!